tried to trust you

I tried to trust you today.

It didn't work so well... I actually tried to trust you last night. I made myself vulnerable, came to you with my heart and my hurt, asked if you could help.

But you were there but not there. Busy. Tired. Didn't hear what I said.
So I didn't trust you and cried myself to sleep.

Today I tried again. Even before I tried I was already wounded. Work did not go so well and you had promised to listen today but already you had forgotten. I decided to try anyway.

You said I didn't care. Even before I could explain myself, I was already convicted and condemned. So I tried again. I failed.

I fail all the time. I don't think I want to try any more. I know I have to, but my heart is so afraid. Every time I try I fail. You misunderstand me and my heart is torn to pieces.

Even if you were to read this, and I were to try again, the result would be the same.

I tried to trust you today, and I failed. If love always hopes always trusts always perseveres, then I must not really have love at all because I am too afraid to persevere.

I guess I was trying to love you all along. How did it all go wrong?