God.

Isn't it interesting that I try so hard to show love, but I feel like I don't know the first thing about it?

I feel like I don't even know what love really is, and on top of that that I even deserve it. I feel so sucky at showing it and especially to you. So much do I feel like I fall short of what you really deserve, and it wells up in my heart and makes me feel hopeless.

I focus on my wrongs, and about me, because that is what I have been taught to , either by others, or by my self.

I wake this morning to find a new day has risen.
Something new is on the horizon.

I let go into your arms.
When I try to chase it my self I fall flat,
but when I let go I find my self with all that
that I could ever need.

The sun rises over the horizon.
A pull at my heart tells me to fear, to run away
escape before its too late, but why? This mystery
enemy makes its claims before me without any
recorse. It's pull is so strong it hurts.

I stand and say no. No more, the day is mine
not yours. If the one is for me who can be against
me?

Have you ever had one of those itches I mean like a really strong urge to itch your self in places in the middle of public?
Don't those suck?

Its like you could itch it but then your really going to look nasty for doing it or you can try not to itch it in which you take on unbareable amounts of the itches for who knows how long.

You always run into a store and itch your self, but then you would look kinda wierd running into corner or down a isle to grab a fast one.

This is why I created this site for these spur of the moment thoughts we all have, especially me, lol.

Anyway.

So I am sitting here at the coffee shop trying to get some work done, when as I glance up at a guy that has the word "Jesus" on his shirt, with some other lettering. I couldn't see all of it, so in my best non-stalkerish way I tried to get a better look at what the full message was on his shirt.

When I finally did see it all it said " Jesus was wrong".
Hmm interesting.

You will only believe in someone, in who they are, and what they say, if you trust them. You will only believe truth if it is with trust.

Truth is meaningless with out trust.

Getting even deeper. Is truth just information?
Or is it something more personal?

With a world full of facts, data, information, all so readily available, it seams like we seam to know less what truth is. Why? We have all this information, why doesn't it bring us closer to what truth is?

What is truth?

Courtesy to martin for sparking this writing!

The unseen seams to control the seen.
They move unknowingly sparking debate, pushing away.
A frustrated mindset created by something not known.

Why do we do what we do not want to?
Why are we into what we hate?

Part of me loves you. Part of me wants to destroy you.
Two people collide, a train crash, a head on collision.
Pieces.

Yet you are there to pick up the pieces. when I destroy myself.
How?

Thank you.

you tried to make me happy to day.
But i know that ill turn a page and a the ominous words will still remain.
And break what you just mended so ill wait to turn the page.
And pretend just for today that all is ok.

As I was driving in the car today, I noticed the trees off to the right covered beautifully with snow and said something. This was in the middle of a conversation we were having. His first reaction was to say that I was a dork, and why it doesn't matter, Though after a second of thinking hes like "you know they are beautiful".

This took us into a discussion about how many times we miss so much, simply because we are running at a million miles an hour. Its always one more thing to do, one more project, one more something, and it just ends up becoming one more day.

What if the cult following that is Oprah just evaporated.?
How would so many middle aged and senior aged women figure out
what to do in their lives. It would be a mass panic in my opinion.
They would no longer know what to do to lose 40 lbs in a hurry or how to raise sextuplets.. and lets not forget obama wouldn't have anyone to bring in the black vote
and all the single mothers on welfare. It would be a tragedy in my opinion :-)

So me and my friend were talking about this last night...

I mean, what would happen to all the magazines? half the tv shows, and
the news?
Millions would lose there jobs...
Millions would have have nothing to live for.
It really makes you think how much of our time is spent
checking out brad pitts' newest woman, or wondering why Brittney had a baby.

Think about all the women in their 40's! They'd have nothing to do!
When you really think about it its pretty sad isn't it?

signing off...